Cluster's Last Stand

The past few days, my life has been kind of a... well...

Ah, Cookie Monster. You're always so helpful.

Things are kinda messed up with my treatment. It's hard enough to be dealing with a very rare form of cancer. Add kidney problems into the mix, and it's just a Gordian knot.

And it's not just the treatment. It's the insurance.

Taking shots at insurance companies is along the same lines as making fun of lawyers. It's too easy, and I'm not really in the mood to expend energy on coming up with with clever put downs that I'm positive have been used many times before. We all get it. Insurance companies are bad.

Do I laugh? Do I cry? It's a conundrum.

But what I will do is walk you through some of the mess, at least as I understand it, coming as it is from 2nd or 3rd (possibly even 4th) hand.

First, since my cancer's weird and doesn't want to go away, we're getting into treatments that are not typically covered by insurance. At least not automatically. Because, why would they? I mean, it's basically throwing money away. What will the shareholders say? Cue white middle-aged executive shuddering.

There's a whole process we have to go through at each step. We ask for the drugs to cure the cancer. They deny us. We try again. They deny us. My oncologist talks to their... I dunno... expert? Doctor? It's unclear. That's called a peer-to-peer (just found this one out today). Anyhoo, they talk, then the insurance guys deny us again.

At that point, we go to the drug manufacturer and try to get them to be cool. Spoiler. Drug companies are NOT COOL. We ask them sweetly, pretty-please-with-sugar-on-top can we get some medicine so our patient doesn't die? They mull it over, then come back and say, "Well, really, this should be covered under your insurance."

This emoticon is actually quite gentle compared to what it feels like.

You get the idea.

All pretty messy, right? Feeling overwhelmed yet? Now we get to add one more element.

'Member how I used to work in that job that I loved? 'Member that? Well, that job ended on June 30th. And because the job ended, the insurance ended.

Except it didn't.

So, I go around and tell everyone that they need to bill my wife's insurance from here on out. But what should be my former insurer decides FOR ONCE to get all proactive. Apparently, my account's still active, and they call everyone to tell them so. You know, at the same time they're saying they won't cover any of the medication.

The financial person at my oncologist (who is lovely, by the way) is calling everyone on the planet, slogging her way through that process I just described for insurance I am not supposed to have.

I call HR for the University-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. I tell them what's happening.

They tell me I must have screwed up by not informing everyone my insurance had terminated.

Now, reader, let's pause for a moment. Over the course of the last year-and-a-half, I have learned to be more patient. Which, considering how many rage-inducing meds I've been taking, is something around which I feel a certain sense of accomplishment.

I lost it.

The poor HR specialist. Little did she know that I would descend upon her like one of the legendary Furies today. She could have had little idea what was in store for her when she was eating her Wheaties this morning.

Breakfast of champions, y'all. Or Karens. Jury's out on that one.

After refuting her claims about five times in a row, I finally said, "Look, I worked for your university during the worst of my cancer treatments. I did a good job. They didn't feel that was worth keeping me around. I have been left without employment or insurance. I SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE TO HAVE TO FIX THE PROBLEMS CAUSED BY YOU NOT BEING ON TOP OF THINGS."

She was more helpful after that. And yes, I did apologize for yelling at her.

Within the day, she got back to me, letting me know things should be sorted out. I let the financial person at my oncologist know. I'm pretty sure it was right after she'd figured out how to move forward with that insurance, even though it was about to expire. So, awesome. I'm really helpful.

How's your Wednesday been?
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In our next issue, we spin around in circles until we're dizzy. Oh, wait. That's just the chemo.